remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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