at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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