he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
