I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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