you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
