Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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