So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
