it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
