Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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