The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
