I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This baby is an asshole
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
