You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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