My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
