well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
