you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
