UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
