you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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