we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
