Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
