She's JV to your varsity
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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