I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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