yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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