i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
