She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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