i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
