You're so nebulous sometimes
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
