she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
