The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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