I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
