I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
