In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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