tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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