Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
