and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He told me they were just razor bumps!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
