Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
