I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
