just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
