Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
