I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
