I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
