Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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