I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
