It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
