Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
