Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
