The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
