My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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