Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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