Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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