There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
