Is it because I queefed?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
