I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
